Conversations with Christine
Conversations with Christine, Chapter 5: The Spiritual Practice of Journaling
In my late 20’s, I joined several groups using Julia Cameron’s book The Artist Way. One discipline I developed from this process was writing morning pages, a practice I still enjoy many years later.
Having been raised Catholic, I can’t say I thrived in my Catechism, but I always loved the ideas of angels and saints. Many times while journaling, I would imagine having a friend, such as a higher power with whom to converse. I imagined that I was wise and could comfort myself. When I dropped deep into my feelings, I would imagine someone was there to help me navigate the pain I was experiencing.
My sister Christine was a writer. A very wonderful writer. I think it was one of the reasons she was called to be an Episcopal priest. She loved to write sermons.
One rainy afternoon in my West Seattle Bungalow, I mentioned my journaling process to her and she asked me to read her an example of how I used my morning pages to work through these conversations.
“Here is an example of some writing I recently did.” I had written pages after a series of conversations I had with a friend of mine. I was processing a conversation after a project we were collaborating on turned really wrong, very quickly. I read out loud to Christine.
“She was so mean and unkind. She said hurtful nasty things. Why would she say those things? We are friends. We have always been friends. She accused me of doing things that I did not do. It took everything I had not to react, not to participate. But I did internally, I just didn’t do it out loud. I think that is just as bad as saying it.”
“Then I would pause,” I told my sister as I looked up from my journal adjusting my reading glasses so I could see her clearly. Christine sat there blowing softly on a cup of tea she was nurturing.
I continued, “I then waited for a reply from my higher self.”
“You did what was right in the moment,” I would write down on the page. “You didn’t use your anger to shame her. You didn’t swallow your anger and turn it onto yourself. You used your intelligence versus acting out of emotion. As much as I know that you wanted to, you stayed in the light. But even in the light, there are shadow wounded places within you that need to be embraced, taken out of the shadows and healed to become whole. Who do you think was hiding? What parts of you?”
I looked over at Christine as she sat listening intently.
“Have you ever heard of Active Imagination?” She asked. “It was a psychological technique Carl Jung engaged with from 1913-1916 and documented this process in his famous Red Book. During a time of self-exploration, Jung would sit in a relaxed state, let images or “figures” arise from his unconscious, and then engage them in a written or mental dialogue. It sounds to me that you are doing something very similar to his process.”
“That’s cool. I’m always shocked at the wisdom that is within me. I would journal back to myself seeking a wiser me.”
“I would refer to this as one of your spiritual practices,” Christine replied. “It is the voice of your soul speaking to you.”
“Why spiritual practice versus just journaling?” I asked.
“Your intention is to go deeper within yourself to cultivate your own inner peace. Jung would call this process individuation, where you are integrating the hidden and shadow parts of yourself with the divine parts of yourself. The goal is to become a whole unified individual self. Journaling, on the other hand, is more of a practical way to organize your daily life’s events. How you are approaching your writing is more of a tool for contemplation and discovering yourself through listening and reflection.”
“But why is it referred to as a spiritual practice?”
“Does the word spiritual trigger you? The word spiritual originates from the Latin root ‘spiritus,’ which literally translates to ‘breathe’ or ‘wind.’ Just as your breath keeps your body alive, you have a living life force within you, called your spirit. This is what brings your life meaning and purpose. You are engaging with the non-physical essence of who you are when you are in regular daily practice of intentionally going within to connect with your higher self. I am guessing you practice this because you are seeking to be transformed yourself through this practice.”
“Yes, I do it because it does transform me. It helps me to see things more clearly. But what is the difference between ‘spirit’ and ‘soul’?”
“We haven’t really gotten into various stages of consciousness yet.” Christine paused to write herself a note. Probably a reminder to circle back to talk about this later. “The psyche, or soul, is your mind, will and emotions. It is your personality made up of all your memories, including the woundings we’ve been talking about. Your spirit is a higher state of connection with life—the divine spark or universal consciousness within you. It is much more expansive and isn’t just thinking of the individual self, but of its connection to the infinite nature of everything: God, nature and the universe.”
“Sorry to keep bringing it back to the eastern practices, but this sounds very similar to the 7-chakra system of the Hatha and Kundalini Tantra texts,” I interjected. “The Hindu culture who practices this system believes that the soul and spirit reside in a secret cave located in the 4th chakra, the heart center. They refer to the individual soul as Jiva and the divine spark or spirit as the Atman. It is the same thing that you are talking about, isn’t it?”
“Yes. As I’ve been telling you, the unus mundus, the one world. We are all connected. All of these concepts within the East and West are based in the same universal truths. Carl Jung practiced Kundalini Yoga and did provide advice on this type of writing that you are doing. He firmly believed that it was our ethical obligation that if you had a transcendent experience, such as you are having while journaling, you have to apply it to your everyday life, something that I believe you are doing. It takes great humility to ask yourself deep questions about how you can be better: how you can be kinder, gentler, more patient in your daily interactions.”
“Can I read you more of this journal entry, I asked?” I think I actually do what you are describing.”
“Sure,” Christine responded as she turned the page on her own journal.
“I don’t want to shame, be resentful or vengeful. I can see how my own pride of wanting to look humble or to be “good” prevents me from using my voice to state: I think there is a misunderstanding. I did not do the thing you accused me of nor did I go on my own behalf to do something. Maybe it was just purely terror that prevented me from being in my own power.”
“Then my divine self, or whatever you were calling it, responded: You do not need to live in this terror any longer. You are free. You showed great courage. You did the right action by not reacting, nor being revengeful and resentful. But, here are a couple things you could look at:
- How did the vices of envy and comparison play a role in your internal reactivity?
- How did pride and vanity prevent you from being authentic in the moment?
- Did you withhold information that could have stopped the heat of another’s passion being directed at you?
- Was a sense of false humility playing a part?
These are all questions to ask yourself on the path of becoming whole. It isn’t about not having shadows come up; it is about embracing that part of yourself when they do. Loving them. Blessing them. Thanking them. Holding them, as I am holding you now.”
I wrote to my higher self, “Why does my heart center ache?”
“You are changing and growing. Becoming whole. Sit quietly for a while and just focus and imagine that your heart center is opening, wider and wider. Imagine me there. Imagine me holding you and stroking your hair. For I am with you always, dear one.”
I put my journal down, waiting for Christine to respond. She only turned and smiled at me. No words were necessary as she closed her journal.
Conversations with Christine Series
Becky has been exploring creativity, spirituality, and the patterns that shape us through her ongoing series, Conversations with Christine. The series imagines two sisters in deep conversation about life’s larger questions, who we are, what shapes us, and why we are here.
Chapter 1: Archetypes, Symbols and Talismans ·
Chapter 2: Defining the Ego ·
Chapter 3: Woundings ·
Chapter 4: Vices and Virtues ·
Chapter 5: The Spiritual Practice of Journaling ·
Chapter 6: Redefining God ·
Chapter 7: Trinities
Chapter 8: Reconnecting
Chapter 9: Evolution of Consciousness
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